Listen, I've spent countless hours in Pharloom, dodging spiked balls and getting my silk handed to me by giant bugs. But nothing—and I mean nothing—prepared me for the sheer domestic bliss of owning a Bellhome. It's like finding a warm cup of tea in a hurricane of hostility. So here's my tale of how I became the proud owner of a cozy bell-shaped abode, and how you can too without...